Hello, My Name Is...

The single most important word in the vocabulary of a child is his or her name. It's repeated over and over again to them, used in games, etc... all in an effort to help them recognize themselves. Parents go through great efforts helping them write their names, posting their name on items around the house so they can identify what belongs to them, and all kinds of other activities to help them remember their name. Whatever it takes to get them to know their name. As they get a little older, they may see their name on a television commercial or on a sign or advertisement and say, "Hey! That's MY name!" They may even encounter someone with the same name and tell them, "We have the same name!" In grade school, attendance is usually a significant portion of your grade. Usually, you are counted in attendance by responding to what? The call of your name. When you graduate from school, a degree or diploma designates that the person's whose name is on the certificate has completed the requirements for a program. A person's name is important. It identifies who you are. Learning to recognize your name is just as important.
But what happens when a child gets older and doesn't know who they are? Working in youth ministries, I come across this a lot. Kids get older, make mistakes or unfavorable decisions, and the first thing the parents do is complain. The boy is doing poorly in school and the parents don't understand why... The girl ends up dating the wrong type of guy and the parents are confused. Are the kids responsible for the things that they did? Sure. Not completely, but yes. They CHOSE to do the things they did, but at some point you have to think, "at any point in this child's upbringing did the parents let their kids know who they are?"

Not just their name. There are so many kids growing up without the affirmation of their parents, it's not even funny. They miss out on the attention and validation they should receive from their parents and then when they get older, they seek it from other people. They lack the encouragement and extra effort of a parent growing up and when they start failing classes the parents go, "I don't know what their problem is" or tell them how inadequate they are.

You ever imagine how the self-esteem and self-worth of a child would be altered if parents spent the same amount of energy getting their kids to know their names to tell them that they're fearfully and wonderfully made? To tell them they're smart and can be anything they want in life? To tell them that if someone doesn't respect you that they don't deserve your time? To tell them that sports and activities are great but your education will take you further than athletics and clubs? To tell them that it's better to wait? To tell them how damaging drugs and alcohol are to your body and that you were created in the image of God himself? That God has a perfect purpose for their life that will cause all creation to give him glory? What if parents spent time repeating to their kids over and over and over as they grow up WHO they are and WHOSE they are... and not just teaching them their names?

Alas, we have boys who think their only way out of the hood is playing football. And girls who think their only fulfillment in life comes through the attention of a man, even if he has another woman. We have kids who think school is something you have to do because you're told; not as an avenue or platform to propel the rest of your life. We have men and women who physically abuse and disrespect each other in relationships and kids having kids. We have men and women struggling with drug and alcohol problems that started just trying to numb the pain.

I'm not saying that repeatedly affirming kids of who they are will eliminate every one of these problems, but I'm sure it would alleviate most of it. Many times when we sit down and talk with kids about what's going on with them, a lot of what their pain and frustration stems from is broken or struggling relationships with their parents (everything from name calling to lack of quality time). This isn't an exaggeration: they are usually very open with us about this. They feel like their parents don't care, so they don't care either.

Well, can you blame them? I honestly can't.